I overheard a conversation between two girls at lunchtime today.
“Oh I love sleeping in on the weekend”, said the first one. “Really? I can’t sleep past 7.00AM no matter how hard I try” was her friend’s odd reply. I thought to myself, “I wish I had that girl’s disease”.
I can sleep in almost all day, and every morning when I have to get up for work and look over at my clock I hope to myself that somehow my wife got up in the middle of the night and set my alarm an hour back so I would wake up but then realise I could go back to sleep. This indeed has never happened. This need for more sleep has caused what most would think was an insane habit. I set my alarm for 20 minutes before I have to leave. When the alarm goes off I then hit snooze for ten minutes. When I get up I then have ten minutes to get ready before I leave the house. It’s the perfect balance between thinking I can sleep for longer and having to rush around like the receptionist from the Devil Wears Prada.
Over the course of the year it has become less of a rush as I weed out pointless pre-work activities like breakfast, showering or spending time considering what to wear. It might be an idea to pick what I was going to wear the night before to save even more time but before I go to bed the morning seems so far away. And after all, my alarm is set twenty minutes before I need to leave the house, which is plenty of time to choose something. Any minor spanner in the works can make me late for work: needing to shave, a crumpled shirt which needs ironing or trying to match up a pair of socks. You might think this sounds easy, to find a pair of socks. I didn’t say find two socks. I can almost always find at least 20 socks; the problem is finding a pair. I don’t have any idea where their mates end up. I think maybe when I take off my jeans one gets stuck in the leg and then they end up in separate washing rosters that never seem to synchronize. I have given up and now just try and find the closest match. Grey and black are fine, navy and dark brown usually make the cut. I don’t like mixing patterns like stripes with no stripes or ridges with argyle. I don’t want anyone to think I’m weird. When I’m desperate to get out the door I’ll put on whatever is left hoping don’t have to go to a “shoes off” house later that evening.
If I went for a real job, which I define as one you have to dress up for, a potential employer may asked me what kind of animal I would be. First, I would think it was a stupid question. How could most animals type and use the phone – imagine a dolphin trying to send an email, you fool. I would say that I would be a bear. The interviewer would think I meant a Black Bear, industriously plucking salmon swimming against the current of a stream, or a Polar Bear stalking fat lone penguins and leaping off ice caps. I wouldn’t make any corrections, even though I would mean that I want to be a hibernating bear – one that doesn’t have to get up for anyone. Even if I woke up after sleeping for an entire season I would still want just another ten months or so. Then I would have to get up and rush around combing my fur before going on to do whatever sleepy bears do with their lives.
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PETE CAMPBELL is a Creative: Writer/Producer based from Australia, now based in LA. He has worked on projects for McDonalds, So You Think You Can Dance, Nikon, TEN, The Waratahs, Royal Bank of Scotland, Sydney Opera House, Bankwest, HP, Gumtree, Kijiji Taiwan and a stack more.